The Long and Winding Road
by SpiderMonkey241
Summary: James reflects on his and Carlos' relationship. Rated T for language and later chapters. My first chapter story!
1. Chapter 1

**Yeah, I know. I'm posting wayyyyyyyyyy too many stories. I'm sorry. Jarlos is now my current love for this fandom, and I can hear Kendall and Logan crying in the corner, because they want a turn, too. It's kind of an addiction, I guess, writing… because I crave reviews… but, anyway. Read on. Italics=James' thoughts (from third person)**

**Disclaimer: Yep. Still don't own. Damn it.**

There are times when James questions whether being Carlos' best friend is a good idea. _Maybe, _he thinks, _it wasn't such a good idea to start hanging out with a guy who constantly wears a helmet and runs into walls for a good time._

On the other hand, maybe it was.

He knows he should be sleeping, should be resting up for the long day of recording and dancing that is to come. But instead, he chooses to pay no attention to the alarm clock that seems to be taunting him with its red numbers, _2:27_, and stares up at the ceiling above his bed in Apartment 2J, his eyes glazing over as he remembers. Because, after all, it's been a long and winding road to get here…

_Preschool wasn't one of James brighter periods in life. Sure, he could count to twenty, say his alphabet without too much trouble, and he could name his colors without missing a beat. But sharing wasn't one of his brighter areas. The whole idea, to him, was actually kind of stupid. Why let someone else use what you had worked so hard to get? Really, truly, he figured that it was something he would never understand. Which is probably why he got sent to the time-out corner on more than one occasion.  
And then, when he walked into the classroom one morning to see a little boy in his spot on the magic carpet, on his spot, then it is so on.  
It's pretty much an unspoken law in early childhood that you don't take someone else's place. It is simply something that you do not do. But, obviously, this kid didn't know that. He was wearing blue jean overalls over a red and blue striped long sleeved shirt, and on his head was a helmet. A thick, black hockey helmet, that's what it was. James had been playing in Little League hockey since very early on, and he was sure that that's what it was.  
Wasting no time, he went right up to this little shit (because, seriously, who would take his spot?), got in his face, and yelled, "You spot stealer!"  
The kid jumped a mile in the air before turning his head to look at his accuser, and James realizes that he's never seen this boy before. Oh, well. That is his spot, and fuck it, he will sit there.  
Then, Miss Bartlett chose that moment to come up behind him, knelt down to his eye level. "James, honey, is something wrong?"  
"He-He took my spot!" James was on the verge of crying, and his lower lip was puffed out as he thrust a finger in the bewildered child's direction.  
"Shh, shh, shh," the elderly teacher soothed, turning James around to face the kid and holding his shoulders. "James, this is Carlos. This is his first day with us, today. Will you be a big boy and let him have your place on the circle, just this once until we find him one?"  
"HE. STOLE. MY. SPOT!" James wailed, the tears spilling over and rolling down his cheeks.  
Miss Bartlett's expression hardened, just slightly, and she said, very calmly, "James, please go sit in the time-out corner. You will stay there until I tell you to move. Understand?"  
James screamed that obnoxious little kid scream, but complied after a moment, stomping his feet all the way to the left corner of the classroom, letting Carlos have his spot.  
At snack time, when they went outside, James was seething mad. He was going to find Carlos, oh yes he was, and give him what he deserved. Because no one messes with his red circle on the magic carpet. No way.  
He finally found him sitting alone on a swing, going slowly back and forth. Nobody wanted to talk to this helmet-wearing-spot-stealing freak of a kid. James felt bad for a spilt second, and then went up behind Carlos, shoving him off of the seat.  
Carlos landed in a rather large mud puddle that lay a few feet away from the swing set, thanks to the rainstorm that had occurred the previous night. When he looked up, he was covered in the thick brown liquid, tears threatening to fall from his chocolate eyes.  
James grinned. "Spot stealer."  
Then, the tears began falling down Carlos' cheeks, but he didn't audibly cry, didn't say anything, he just stared at James.  
After only a few seconds, James' tough guy façade began to wear off. "Hey… c'mon, I didn't really mean it…"  
But it's too late; Carlos was already crying, a little more prominently. The tears were thicker and growing in number, and then James sighed and walked forward. "Here…" He reached a hand out to help Carlos up. "I'm-I'm sorry…"  
Carlos quieted instantly and took his hand, locking their fingers together. He looked up at the slightly bigger boy helplessly for a moment, before grinning mischievously and tugging, hard. James yelped as he fell face-forward into the mud, right next to Carlos. He looked over at him, all ready to start a fight, but then, he saw the humor and sincere kindness in the other boy's eyes, and he found himself unable to get angry. Instead, he smiled.  
"I'm James."  
"Carlos."  
"Hey, um, my mom packed me two cups of chocolate pudding for snack… do you want one?"  
"Sure!"_

James smiles and laughs to himself. Pudding and mud. That was what he defined his first real friendship with. Pudding and mud.  
The ceiling is dark; but as his eyes adjust to the light, he can just barely make out patterns in the stucco. And then, another striking memory comes to him.

**Okay, I think I'll make this a chapter fic. Should I? Review and tell me! :) **


	2. Chapter 2

**All right, you asked me to continue it. So, therefore, I blame you for the suckiness haha. Thank you for all of the reviews. They really make me happy and motivate me to keep going. Suggestions are welcomed, too… but I'll stop rambling so you can start reading. Ha, I wonder how many people actually read these author-note things… all right, on with chapter 2 of the Long and Winding Road. Rated T for kissing. Remember, italics are James' flashback… yeah. **

**Disclaimer: Still don't own. **

_And that was the way it was. They met Kendall and Logan in second grade, and the four automatically clicked. Kendall became the leader, Logan was the brain, James was the face, and Carlos was the entertainment. They complimented each other with their different traits. Like Ying and Yang. _

_Very early on in their friendship, shortly after their "group formation", they began having weekly-nighttime-hangouts, or something like that . Never, in a million years, would they ever refer to it as a 'sleepover'. Girls had sleepovers. Guys had stay-over-to-play-video-games-all-night-hangouts. It's just how it worked. _

_But, on that particular Friday night in July, Kendall was at home, sick with the stomach flu. Actually, he would have come if his mom hadn't held him back. It wasn't like his friends had any problem with it. Boys of thirteen _invited _sickness. Logan was at some essay-awards ceremony in Minneapolis, so he was pretty much out of the question. So, that left only James and Carlos for the annual hey-let's-gorge-ourselves-and-play-video-games-all-night festivities. _

_They met in their tree house, which was located in the forest behind Logan's apartment building, at nine. They didn't see any need to meet early if Logan wasn't going to be there to crash around eleven._

_Their secret hideout, in retrospect, was actually a really nice structure. It was hard to believe that four nine year old boys built it. It had four walls, a roof, a window, and a door that opened and closed._

_By three thirty, all twenty four of the Mountain Dew cans were empty. The cracked aluminum was piled in a corner. James and Carlos, surprisingly enough, weren't bounding off the walls. That was an especially impressive feat for Carlos, since he was so hyper on a daily basis, without the aid of caffeine. _

"_Hey James, I bet I can get more girls than you can in a week." The statement that came from Carlos' mouth so suddenly was, to James, the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard._

"_Ha. Really, Carlos? Really? What do you want to bet? Make sure it's nothing you love too much."_

"_I bet you my helmet that I can kiss someone tonight." _

_James was taken aback. Carlos was always so protective of his prized helmet, but now he was just putting it up for a stupid bet? Fine, whatever._

"_All right, Carlitos. You have a deal. Better start looking if you want to find someone before the sun comes up. Man, I really hope you're-"_

_Carlos cut him off with a kiss, pressing hard against James' lips with his own. _

_If James wasn't surprised before, he really was then. As far as he knew, Carlos had never kissed a girl- or a guy, for that matter. And now, he was here, kissing him like some kind of wizard._

_It was awkward at first, heavy and unbalanced, and when James didn't pull back right away, screaming, Carlos took that as an invitation. He lightly traced his friend's lower lip with his tongue, and then the seam between his lips. _

_James grabbed his shoulders and pushed him back gently, panting, but still holding him. "Damn, Garcia, has this all been a pass from the start?"_

"_Um- yes?"_

"_Good."_

_And then James was kissing him, and his tongue was gently forcing Carlos' lips apart, and then Carlos was beginning to feel a little uncertain. It wasn't that he didn't want this, because he did, badly, he was just nervous. He was always screwing stuff up, running into walls and causing people pain._

_But as James' tongue dipped into his mouth, patiently leading Carlos' between his lips, all those inhibitions fly away because _James _was _kissing _him and oh my _God_ this feels so right._

_His fingers lightly tangle in James' sandy brown locks, tugging as he pulls the other boy closer. This was all he wanted, this warmth and this feeling and _James.

James grins to himself, shaking his head as he remembers how quickly they moved, how rough and unplanned they worked. That event ended up with hands under shirts and in boxers pretty quickly, and they had never told anyone. Not Kendall, not Logan, definitely not their parents. It was their… dirty little secret.

**Meh. Not so in love with how this ended. But I guess I'm kind of proud of it. Reviews are better than Carlos helping an old lady across the street. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the reviews! Keep them coming! I think this will be either a six-shot or seven-shot… not sure. Next chapter will start the BTR portion of the story.**

_They never spoke of the incident again, not even to each other. James figured that it had just been Carlos' hormones flowing freely for a short while, and then his reacting in return. Just a one-time thing between friends. That was all._

_After he figured that out, he was fine. There were no more awkward silences when he was with Carlos, no more silence at all, in fact. It was as if nothing ever happened… at all. But there was always that tiny part of James' brain, that itty-bitty, dark corner in the back of his mind, which kept whispering to him, 'It has to mean something. He kissed you'. But, he just told it to shut up, because he really didn't want to dwell on it._

_High school came quickly- all of eighth grade seemed like a blur. They were fifteen years old. And life was good- too good, actually. Something insanely chaotic and exciting had to be coming up soon._

_James, Kendall, Logan and Carlos were sitting at their typical lunch table, with the typical wood surface and square shape, and the typical window right next to them, and the typical trees were covered with all-too typical snow. Typical, typical, typical. Fuck typical, James needed something even remotely interesting to happen._

_Kendall and Logan were sitting on the opposite side of the table from him and Carlos, talking and laughing about something that had happened during hockey practice the previous day. James was actually listening, smiling because, really, the story _was_ actually kind of funny, but his focus was immediately swayed when he felt a hand resting on his knee. Alarmed, he looked over at Carlos, who glanced at him slyly and grinned just the smallest bit. James let out a quiet, shaky laugh before resuming a small part of his attention back to Kendall and Logan. The majority of his brain was focused on Carlos' hand, which was slowly trailing up the outside of his thigh, and then gently latching onto James', interlocking their fingers. James looked at him again, longer this time, and gave him a long, satisfied grin. Carlos squeezed his hand gently, just a little tinge, and laughed at something that Logan said._

_All James could think about was the warmth of his best friend's hand in his own, hidden from anyone but them, as James' leg hid the view. Carlos' hand was slightly smaller, and a little more feminine, and suddenly, James felt like the protector, like it was suddenly his duty to defend Carlos from anything that could potentially hurt him- verbally or physically. He would do anything. Anything._

_Carlos was what kept him on the earth._

_Later in the day, James was running frantically through the back hall, trying desperately to keep all four of his textbooks plus his binder balanced against his chest. Curse the guidance counselor for giving him two consecutive classes that happened to be on opposite sides of the school. Not to mention two floors apart. _

_Slipping on a loose pencil, he flew upwards, and was airborne for a moment, before crashing down painfully, straight on his ass, and a sharp pain travels through the course of his body. He muttered obscenities as the tardy bell rang, and books along with several pieces of notebook paper. He scrambled, at first, to put the papers back into their respective folders, but if he was already late, what was the point in going to class at all? And then, slowing down so his heartbeat lowered to a normal pace, he inhaled and exhaled slowly. But, upon hearing the slam something colliding with the outside of a locker door, followed by a fairly familiar whimper, his head snapped up. _

_And there was Carlos, with his back against the locker, feet a few inches above the ground. Pressing him against it was Adam Herman- and behind him were his disciples, Ryan Jones and Colton Harris. Pulling back a balled up hand, Adam knocked his fist straight across Carlos' jaw, and the Latino winced at the contact. After another second of watching Carlos be abused over and over, it finally registered in James' mind exactly what was happening and he leapt up off the floor, leaving his books and papers behind. _

_Wasting no time, he grabbed Adam by the collar, forcing him to drop Carlos, who curled up into a ball on the ground. James shoved the leader of the three boys back, hazel eyes blazing. "What the _fuck_ is wrong with you?" he seethed, pushing Adam into the wall. He pulled back his arm, ready to fucking kill this kid, but he caught a glance of Carlos' tear-filled eyes, and the trembling lower lip, and he exhaled, dropping his arm. "Get the hell out of here. Never touch him again, or I swear, I will kill you. Understand?" _

_He watched as the four boys walked down the hall, silently flicking them the bird as they passed._

_James went back to attend to Carlos, who was bleeding from his mouth, tears mixing with the dripping blood that trailed down his chin. The taller boy didn't say anything, just knelt down, whispered a soft "Come on." And when Carlos didn't make any move to get up, James sighed, wrapped an arm under his knees and another under his neck, and lifted him. The Latino wrapped his arms around his friend's torso and pressed his face into his neck, breathing in the heady scent of cologne and that one scent, hidden under the product and hairspray, that belonged only to James. The smell became even more prominent when the bigger teen produced a black bandanna from his pocket and handed it to Carlos, who pressed the cloth against the wound in his mouth. _

_Careful to walk out slowly enough that the alarm wouldn't go off, James exited out the exit at the rear of the building, barely realizing that he left his history notes on the floor. _

_About fifteen minutes later, James was carrying Carlos up the stairs to his bedroom, taking care not to jolt him around. He laid him in his bed, covering him with the blankets and sitting next to him. The injuries weren't too bad, he noticed, only a few bruises and the small amount of blood. _

"_How long?" he asked, voice low and husky. His tone always did that, only when he was pissed, but it never failed to make shivers run down Carlos' spine._

"_How long what?"_

"_How long have they been doing this to you? And why didn't you tell me, or Kendall, or Logan?" _

"_I- I didn't want to worry you. James, don't worry about it-"_

"_They hurt you! Do you not get that? They fucking hurt you!"_

"_I was fine-"_

"_You're still bleeding! Your face is all black and blue! I snuck you out of school so you could come home to rest! You're not fine!"_

"_All right… I'm not fine. Happy?" Carlos' voice didn't change pitch, didn't rise, didn't waver._

_James sighed, shook his head, and reached out to tenderly caress Carlos' cheek, leaving his hand on the side of his face. "I'm sorry… but, right now, if they're beating you up in high school, what'll they be doing in a few years? They could kill you, for real, if they wanted to."_

"_B-But you're with me. I know it's okay. You wouldn't let them touch me." _

"_You're right," James agrees. "I would break their necks."_

_Carlos exhales, closes his eyes. He wouldn't admit it, but the warmth of James' hand was working wonders on his face. The pain was almost completely gone. _

_James leans down, presses his forehead against Carlos'. "If you were hurt, I couldn't live with it. I would constantly be blaming myself for whatever might happen, and… and…"_

_Carlos brings his hand to the back of James' neck, strokes the fine, short hairs on the nape of his neck. "No," he whispers, his sweet breath fanning across the taller boy's face. "I'd be right with you, always telling you… how special you are…"_

_And then James kisses him on the lips, and it's not like the first time, it's not rushed and frantic, not controlled by hormones. It's soft and chaste and loving, just _perfect_, and James brings his hand down to wrap around Carlos' free one, their fingers lacing together, clasping perfectly, just like at the lunch table._

_This, Carlos realizes, smiling into the kiss, is love._

**I'm actually pretty proud of this one. I've been working on it on and off all day, and I think it paid off. What do you think?**

**Reviews are puppies and unicorns and rainbows and Carlos sleeping with a teddy bear. (oh, come on, you know you want to have that mental image) **

**:)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry this one is so short. And unrevised. I just had to get it out, so I could start working on the final one. Which, from the ideas that have been floating around in my mind, is going to be epic.**

**Seriously, though, this one is really short.**

**And, of course, thank you for the reviews.**

**Dedicated to my new friend. :) You know who you are.**

James unintentionally clenches, then unclenches his fists at the mere thought of Adam. He hurriedly pushes away the image, replacing it instead with a different memory.

_And then, there was the whole Big Time Rush thing. Well, actually, before that. Five days before they actually became Big Time Rush, to be exact. _

_After getting pummeled by the girls' field hockey team, and after limping back to Logan's house, after seeing the commercial for the audition, and after kidnapping Mrs. McCowskey, James and Carlos were huddled together in the backseat, close enough to share body heat. Their neighbor hadn't driven in a long time, and her heating system was totally shot. Kendall was up front next to her, per request that he keep her warm. The expression on his face was actually pretty humorous-one of disgust combined with embarrassment. _

_James was shivering under the small throw blanket, not as much from the cold as from pure nervousness. He had wanted this for as long as he could remember- to be famous- and now, the opportunity was right in front of him. He was, in a word, terrified. Terrified beyond belief. _

"_Hey," Carlos whispered, finding James' hand under the blanket and caressing tender circles with his thumb. "You'll be great. I know it. You're the best musician I know."_

"_But-" James' voice cracked, his eyes beginning to sting with unshed tears. "I-I don't know if I can do this, Carlos." He willed himself not to cry, willed himself to stay strong, but it was too late. The tears slowly spilled over, trailing in streams down his cheeks. _

_Carlos held him tighter, and really, James couldn't understand why he was crying over this. It was what he wanted, right?_

"_You'll get this, James. They'll love you. I promise. They're whisk you away to superstardom, and you'll be living in Los Angeles, in a huge penthouse."_

"_But, that's what I'm afraid of, Carlos." The last word rolled off his tongue so easily, so comfortably, and the tears came harder. "I-I don't want to leave you. Ever."_

"_That's bullshit," Carlos said fiercely, shaking his head. "James, this is your dream. You've always wanted to have this. Well, it's coming at you now, and you're saying you don't want it?"_

"_I'd rather have Kendall and Logan, and-and you, than be some star. God, Carlos. Why is this so hard?"_

"_It doesn't have to be," Carlos said softly, leaning down to stroke his cheek to his friend's hair. "Just do your best. For me."_

_James looked up at him tearfully, before nodding slowly. "Okay. I promise."_

_Carlos grinned, the bit of anger that he showed flying away, and kissed away James' tears._


	5. Chapter 5

**This chapter is dedicated to my adopted father (see my profile)- he still sings **_**The Long and Winding Road**_** to me every night over the phone, because he knows that it'll make me fall asleep. I love him very, very, very much.**

There's a few things James knows about Carlos. First, he loves dinosaurs and chicken nuggets more than almost anything. Put them together, and he's as happy as a two year old in a candy store.

"_Mrs. Knight! Please please please please please?"_

"_No, Carlos," said Kendall's mother, attempting to shake him off of her leg. "We are not having dinosaur shaped chicken again. We've had it four nights this week!"_

"_We can have it five nights!"_

_James sat in the corner, laughing uncontrollably. It may not have been extremely humorous to anyone else, but, knowing Carlos, it was only to be expected._

_And abso-freaking-lutely hilarious._

Second, James knew that Carlos would never, ever hurt something (or someone) else.

_They were sitting at the dinner table, laughing about something that had happened during the day's rehearsal, and suddenly Katie screamed. _

"_SPIDER!" She hurriedly jerked Logan's spoon from his hand and poised it over the arachnid, ready to strike, but Carlos shrieked, _

"_NO!"_

_He jumped up and removed the spoon from Katie's hand, placing it on the floor before slipping his hand under the spider and carrying it over to the window, where he released it. _

"_You don't want to hurt it, Katie. He might have little eggs to look after!"_

Third, and probably his personal favorite, James knew that Carlos couldn't sleep if he didn't know where his helmet was.

"_James," Carlos hissed, prodding him in the side. "James!"_

"_Mmm… what?" He rolled over, opening his eyes slightly. _

"_I-I can't find my helmet!" The Latino's eyes were shining with unshed tears, and his chest was heaving, breathing hard. _

_James glanced at the clock and groaned softly. "Carlos, it's two thirty in the morning. I'm not going to-"_

"_Please?" And then it really isn't fair, because Carlos had his eyes all wide and sad, and there was something so tender, so vulnerable, in the set of his lips that James' heart broke. He sighed, exasperated. _

"_Fine."_

_They did find the helmet, after about fifteen minutes of searching. It was inside the freezer, of all places. James had never seen Carlos look so happy- more excited than a six year old with three frogs. He was-_

A soft whine coming from the bed across the room startles James out of his thoughts. He sits up and looks over, seeing Carlos curled into a ball, clutching at the sheets and crying into his pillow. James blinks slowly, moving so his feet are on the floor. He stands and walks quickly over to his boyfriend, gently pulling him into his lap and rocking him back and forth. "Carlos… Carlito, shh… you're fine. Wake up. Wake up, sweetheart."

Carlos squirms for a moment before his eyes open, and he buries his face into James' chest. "They-they hurt- they hurt them," he sobs, rubbing his cheek against the fabric of James' shirt. "Kendall and L-Logan. And- oh, god, James, they hurt you, t-too. I couldn't m-move- they were h-h-holding me back, and I couldn't help you, and-"

"Shh," James whispers, tracing a line with his nose from Carlos' ear to his jaw. "You're all right. Kendall and Logan are asleep. And I'm right here. Nothing's going to hurt you, I promise. Okay?"

Carlos lets out another sob before nodding and wrapping his arms around his boyfriend. James lays him down under the sheets, covering him. He sits next to him, holding himself up by an arm on the side of Carlos' body.

"Sing to me, James," Carlos whispers, reaching his arms out to pull James down next to him. "A lullaby, anything. I love it when you sing to me."

James smiles, shakes his head a little. "Okay."

"_The long and winding road  
That leads to your door  
Will never disappear  
I've seen that road before  
It always leads me here  
Lead me to your door.  
_

_The wild and windy night  
That the rain washed away  
Has left a pool of tears  
Crying for the day.  
Why leave me standing here?  
Let me know the way._

Many times I've been alone  
And many times I've cried,  
Anyway you've always known  
The many ways I've tried.

And still they lead me back  
To the long, winding road  
You left me standing here  
A long, long time ago  
Don't leave me standing here  
Lead me to your door."

Carlos sighs happily, nuzzles his head up so the tips of his messy hair are brushing against James' chin. "I love you," he mutters, his voice quiet, but certain.

James grins, and leans down to touch his lips softly to Carlos' eyelids. "I love you too, Carlos."

Yep.

It sure had been a long and winding road to get to where they are now, where James is stroking Carlos' hair, and Carlos is sighing contentedly, where they're cuddling under the same sheets and James' soft humming is lulling Carlos into a deep, peaceful sleep, safe in James' arms.

A long and winding road.

James would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

**Again, pretty poorly written. Sorry. Still distracted. My next few one-shots will be better, I promise. **

**Well… yeah. Hope you liked this story, and reviews are love and kindness in Zurg's tower. **


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